Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
