I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
