Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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