i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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