State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
