if you like me you must not know who I am
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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