how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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