It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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