I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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