We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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