i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
