I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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