hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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