By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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