Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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