What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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