I wanna passion pit in your ass
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
