Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
