google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
