I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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