She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
