His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Farmville is her only friend.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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