Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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