nut hugger
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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