I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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