we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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