good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
