as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
