just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
