Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
