you guys were way drunker than both of me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
