my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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