Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
