Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
