WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
