this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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