very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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