Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
