Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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