UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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