Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
