White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
