I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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