wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
