The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
