I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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