i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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