Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
