I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
