we have officially lost it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
