They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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