I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
