I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
