Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
