Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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