Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
