the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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