there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
