everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
