I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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