Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
