all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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