Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
