I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
