Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
