her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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