I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
