and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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