i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
