I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
