ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
