This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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