Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
