Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
