If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
