she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
